


Reflections

by Xerxes Break (Amethyst_The_Gem)



Category: Pandora Hearts
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 16:43:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19891042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amethyst_The_Gem/pseuds/Xerxes%20Break
Summary: On a snowy day, reflects of the past are brought to the surface





	Reflections

**Author's Note:**

> (PS, if you're reading this off an app called Fanfic Pocket Reader, you are paying for a work that you could be reading for free off of AO3, and I did not authorize for my fanfic to be placed on the Fanfic Pocket Reader app)

Snow. It has always made me think of her. That day she smiled, dancing happily in the blood-red rain. She was the only one to look at me, and not scorn me or pity me. She was amused by me, yes, but I didn’t care. She was my shining light in this world. In all the cycles of life I have lived, I have never forgotten her. Every time I see snow, I am reminded that this cruel, beautiful world that she loved has taken her away from me. I can no longer see the beauty that she saw, because _she_ was the beauty in this world. And _he_ stole that beauty away. I do not blame him for that. But for stopping me from trying to bring this world to her, I do blame him. I blame him for forcing me to wait even longer to carry out my plans. Every moment without her, my soul is screaming in anguish.

I am reminded of the way she would tease me, would treat me as if I was just a toy to amuse her, but yet she was intrigued by me all the same, and I to her. We would spend countless hours together, doing nothing but enjoy each other’s presence. We would talk, or I would hold her, and every moment was precious.

I am reminded of her words that saved me, when I was ready to give in to hatred and despair. She redirected my hatred, created my purpose for living. She became the focus of my hatred, but she also became my reason for living. I hated her, I needed her. This horrid contradiction kept me alive, moving forward in this despicable world, doing things I never would have believed myself to be capable of before she came into my life. I did this with the belief that someday I would see her again. I clung to that belief as my one shred of hope. I learned to become someone else, until I no longer knew who I was. I adopted so many masks, so many faces, to please people until the gave me what I needed. I no longer knew whether or not my emotions were genuine. I no longer remembered what true happiness felt like, or true laughter, true sadness, true tears. I only knew true hatred, true pain, true suffering and anguish. That stayed with me, a constant reminder of the choices I had made. She had carved those feelings into my chest, sealing my destiny with her words, her beautiful smile, her entrancing, intoxicating, poisonous smile.

I am reminded of the day when I learned she was dead. I had never felt so hollow. Even when I was on the streets, cursing the world, I had never cursed it so much as I did that day. I was empty, lost, and broken. She was my anchor, the chain that bound me to this world. Without her, I no longer had any reason to live. I was nothing but a lifeless doll, a mere puppet. Without her, I did not exist. I _couldn’t_ exist.

When I see snow, I am reminded of one who no longer exists, and one who _should_ no longer exist. I am reminded of the cruel realities of this world, this horrid, broken, cruel world. I am reminded of all the cycles I have lived in this world, waiting for the day that my dream would become reality, and this world would come to meet her, so I may see her smile once more.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing from someone's POV, so I hope it turned out OK. I really like writing about Jack, because even though he did a lot of horrible things, he's still a really intriguing character to me.
> 
> As always, comments are 100% appreciated!


End file.
